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Showing posts from January, 2010

I Will Survive

Remember that expectation that I should perform top notch work at ministry? Well, I may be the only one who is holding myself to that expectation but this week has been insane. Most of my fellow staff is out sick so we're short staffed. Missing two and a half days of work was like missing two weeks. I can't seem to keep my tutors straight in our programs because there is so many tutors! Homework club was cancelled on Monday and Tuesday because the students had a half day at school. I don't have the master list of all the tutors. No one does...so I have volunteers making half hour trips to help out only to find they have no one to tutor and nothing to do. It makes me look unprofessional and it wastes the volunteers' time. I can't do anything about it because I can't get the master list. I'm going to have to have a running list at the club and get the tutors' info that way.

I'm single handedly planning and preparing for our Star Student Awards Party. A…

Baby Steps

Ok, I admit that the last post was beyond depressing. Unfortunately, I wrote exactly how I felt that day. I'm pleased to report that I was productive on Saturday. I tried to stick to my weekend routine. I actually dragged my butt to the gym for a solid hour and a half. I showered, cleaned my room, and ran errands. That evening, the Mercy Volunteer Corps came over and we played some games. It was fun and I'm glad they came. Originally, before I went out for my errands, I didn't want to do anything Saturday night except write and sleep.

I have these mini-rituals regarding my Mom Mom. I'm not ready to remove her picture from my facebook profile yet. I am not ready to wear the jewelry she left for me. I don't eat the peppermints that are in this small flowerpot with our pictures on it. I wear the charm bracelet she gave me in in 2004 everyday. The items I have from her house rest in a pile on my floor. I look at them often, even show them to my community, but I don'…

Get Back Up When Life Knocks You Down

Yesterday was my Mom Mom's funeral. To be honest, the last funeral I went to of someone who I was very close to was my grandfather 16 years ago. I saw family I hadn't seen in 16 years. I hugged people who I apparently have a blood relationship with. I tried to be strong and be positive in the most utter sadness. I read the first and second reading at her mass. I carried up the gifts. I delivered a small speech at the cemetery and my voice didn't crack once. Sure, the breakdowns were intermittent throughout these moments of strength. As the tears streamed down my face my mother asked, through her own tears, what was wrong. Nothing was wrong...I missed my Mom Mom that's all. Her departure from me was the best of circumstances. My last words to her were I love you. The last time I saw her she was waving goodbye at her front door as my mom and I drove away. She died peacefully, painlessly and with family by her side. Her funeral was sad but beautiful. We had a state police…

Mom Mom, May You Rest in Peace

On January 16th, early into the nightfall, my grandmother, Mom Mom, passed away. Even though I had been preparing myself for the inevitable, the news still ran shock waves through my heart. I cried so much that I almost threw up. Then I felt numb. Today is January 20th, the day before her funeral. I'm scheduled to catch a ride down to South Jersey to spend the night with my Mom, Dad, and dog...in my grandmother's house. The funeral is at 11 and internment is in Philadelphia. My family is going to drop me off at the house after internment since I live about 15 minutes away from the cemetery. I'll give them a tour of my living space, we'll eat, and then they will depart back to South Jersey to tend to some affairs. I understand she is in a better place. I understand she is with her husband who passed 16 years ago. I understand she is free of pain. I am grateful for everything she has given me and all the memories we have had together. My Mom Mom was an incredible woman. I…

A Black Speck on Perfection

Life has been wonderful lately. I was selected at the Employee of the Month for November (found out yesterday during our quarterly staff meeting). Work has been great. I've been very busy everyday which keeps the days going by. I can actually feel the productivity and I've gotten positive feedback from the residents regarding the programs I have implemented for their kids. I've lost close to 23lbs which is a record in my life. I feel healthier, I look healthier and I guess you could say I have a bit of cocky self confidence in my appearance and abilities. My community feels closer than it ever has been before. My prayer life is on the mend. Life has been great.

But you know when life is great and you almost feel like you are on an invincible high? When you know that the feeling won't last forever and something horrible will come and knock you down off your pedestal. That is how I had been feeling but I pushed it aside and basked in the glow of my happiness.

Then it happe…

It is a Brand New Year!

Happy New Year to all! It is a brand new year and that means a lot of different things to a lot of different people. Some people decide to reinvent themselves and change things in their life to make it better. Other people don't care and just start life on Jan 1st like they did on Dec 31st. It all depends on the person.

I have one resolution and that is to learn to Latin dance this year. Salsa and tango and hustle. I think that would be a lot of fun. Other than that, its just a new year.

The holidays were great with my family. I'll be honest, I came back to PA with an extreme bout of homesickness and real sickness. I was coughing every five minutes and sometimes couldn't stop. Additionally I really enjoyed being with my mom and dad and my dog that I missed them terribly. I came to the realization that the rest of my life is going to be full of visits, hellos and goodbyes. It is always going to be like that! Originally that depressed me but now I've sort of accepted it. T…