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Showing posts from June, 2009

Go Greyhound and Leave the Driving to Us...if Your Bus Exists

UPDATES! Much sooner than you think. I'm writing you from beautiful Huntingdon Valley, PA. I am at the headquarters of the Sisters of the Holy Redeemer. It is an absolute beautiful place with fields and a chapel and a library and wonderful people. I'm lucky to be here though. Why? Well....

Yesterday I woke up at 8am. My bus was scheduled to leave the station at 9:50am. I arrived with my parents around 9:15am or so. I waited and waited and then suddenly a Greyhound blew past the stop! I thought for sure that the bus was mine so I went inside to ask the attendant. She said the bus would stop and that was another bus. By 10:10am, the bus really did come. I almost voided my ticket by tearing it off for the bus driver. He stopped me just in time before I tore it off. Whew! I boarded the bus and picked two seats to myself in the middle. The bus driver was really friendly, telling jokes and helping me out.

I was really nervous about my change over in Wilmington. I was worried I'd m…

I don't think we're in Kansas anymore...

If you've been following along you've read all about my not so adventurous and depressing life post college. You've heard me cry about being lonely and depressed about my not so certain future. You heard me bitch about how the VA Employment Commission discriminated me because I'm educated and how I've been broke, poor, and unusually pessimistic. But, you have also been with me during the official countdown to my RMC interview. That's right the four day, three night adventure in Philadelphia, PA.

Official countdown? I leave tomorrow. :D

Assuming I don't get mugged or killed in Wilmington, DE or kidnapped in Philly, you will be able to go on this adventure and yes, it is an adventure with me. My internet access will be limited but I'll be writing down every interesting thing that happens to me in a physical journal. Upon my return I'll transcribe these accounts into blog format so you can read all about it. That means entries post July 1st will be reca…

I'm Beggin

Never in my life did I think I would e-mail my life story to a perfect stranger and desperately, like my children are starving and I can count their bones desperately, ask for employment.

Don't worry. I did not say my children were starving and I can count their bones. I don't have any children and that would be lying. Just like it would be lying to not tell an employer that I have a college education. Don't get me started on that sore subject.

Really, though. After drinking a tequila sunrise for courage I e-mailed the editor of the only other local newspaper on the Eastern Shore and the head DJ for the local radio station. These are two places I KNOW are not hiring, and can't AFFORD any new employees. Not even for a few weeks. I applied anyway. I sent them e-mails with my I need money to pay off textbook bills/I have tons of experience/I'm overqualified for every job on the Shore and no one will hire me because I'm educated sob story. I poured my heart out, atta…

I must hide my education under my bed

Last night I laid in bed and looked over job openings on the Shore via the Employment Commission website. I was really excited to find a temporary position as a vineyard laborer a few towns down from mine. It was $7 an hour and it was only for a month and a half. This was the exact kind of employment I needed! I knew it would be rough on the hands and a lot of work, but it was a job and it was money. I filled out the required information and then the site told me to 'consult my local employment commission for more information.' I'm like...uh...fine.

So I woke up relatively late, and drove to said employment commission. I had already registered online so I just had to sit and wait to speak to a representative. I waited for an hour and half, wishing I had brought a book. Finally they called me in. "What can I do for you today?" She asked me with a big smile. "I'm applying for the vineyard laborer position. Your website told me to come here and allow you to …

The Misadventures of MA Cont...

Today was going to be a perfect beach day. Mind you, I had a wonderful time with my best friend, Beth. I really did. However, today was supposed to be a perfect beach day. It was predicted (a few days ago0 to be 90 degrees and sunny all day.

Weather Fail.

It was overcast when we arrived on the island. I didn't mind all that much. We parked our beach chairs on the sand and set up our huge umbrella like a tent instead of up all the way. After eating our subway sandwiches, Beth kind of passed out in a nap coma in the sand. I decided to check the water out. It was cold at first but then I got used to it and it felt great! (thats what she said). Anyway, the water has finally warmed up! So I jumped some waves and then came back to sit. Suddenly I heard thunder. Thinking that I had limited time to play in the water, I grabbed my board and caught a few waves. Yeah, boogie board. I'm not cool enough to surf yet. Anyway the waves were HUGE! It was kind of do or die. I got sucked under and…

The Misadventures of MA

Today was kind of eventful. Actually last night, my dreams were eventful. I had two dreams that I remember. The first one consisted of me getting a huge gash on my left shoulder down to my hip. Apparently I fell and this was the result. My dad had to stitch my side up with fishing wire. Then three days later the stitches were supposed to come out. My mom was supposed to take them out but she didn't know about the injury since I didn't tell her. My dad stitched the word REACH over my wound. It was really bizarre. I guess I thought I was getting a tattoo or something. I think my mom eventually pulled the stitches out.

My second dream was even more bizarre. I was at work, working out with my boss and the professional staff from the Rec Center. Although, the Rec didn't look like the Rec. I was in a white room with two televisions. There were five treadmills and all of professional staff was on them. I really wanted to join them so I did. For some reason I kept falling, on my bo…

My faith has been restored in humanity

My faith has been restored in humanity. Honestly, how many people would return a lost wallet? I didn't lose my wallet today but an interesting situation happened.

I woke up around 12:30pm, the usual time for me to wake up with the hopes the day will be quick and painless. Ate some breakfast, applied for a job that doesn't exist with the YMCA and then went out to run errands.

First I went to the bank to cash a $75 check. Then I went to the grocery store to pick up a few things for the house. After that I went to the corner store to pick up the paper and the post office to mail a few letters. I returned home with my bunch of groceries. I was kind of paranoid because my parents specifically requested that I check the eggs to make sure none were cracked. Well, when I checked, none were. Then I put them in my basket and somewhere during my journeys I cracked one of the eggs. I didn't notice until I was already in the checkout line. I really didn't want to run across the stor…

I need to find the road less traveled

I've been down this road many times and I know exactly where it leads.....

I'm a creature of habit and a creature of comfort. Like how my dog sidles up beside me knowing that I will inevitably scratch his ass for him. He knows that if he stands there long enough, I'll buckle down and give him exactly what he wants. Then he looks at me with his aging furry face and such joy in his eyes. After all, his ass isn't a spot he can reach too well.

Creature of habit. Creature of comfort. I know what this road leads to. It isn't a big mystery. But the beauty of the scenery is what gets me. I look around and feel a sense of adventure and joy even though I've been down this way before. I feel beautiful, like myself and incredibly secure down this road. Its a dead end, though. By the time I reach the end, I'm so incredibly content. Then a storm arises and I have to tread through the muddy street cold and alone. I'm always traveling back the way I came alone. The scen…

Life is full of could have beens

I started today with a more optimistic attitude. I woke up and created a project to bide my time. I decided to fix my bike so I can at least ride it around for exercise/something to do. The poor thing needs a major cleaning job, air in the tires and a new pedal for the right side. My dad said he is going to junk it if I don't fix it soon. So I drove out to Roses to try to find a new pedal but did not have much luck. I drove down to Eastville just for fun and drove over a turtle on the highway. I drove OVER him I didn't run over him. There is a difference. I couldn't stop thinking about that turtle and ended up turning around from Eastville to try to see if the little guy was still trying to make it across the road. If he was I was going to pull over and help him across the road. Rt 13 is a very busy highway. Unfortunately, I couldn't find him. I think he either made it or was another roadway causality. I then made another U-turn and drove back home for a snack. Then I …

I was meant to be a sniper

First off I want to preface this blog by saying two things: 1) I can't count. I said a few entries ago that it was 10 days until my interview with RMC. Um no...its actually 14. As of today. So I can't count and I'm an idiot. 2) Don't call violence hot lines on me after reading this entry. I'm fine.

I've got your attention now. The reason why I think I was meant to be a sniper is because I've been playing sniper games on addicitinggames.com for the past two days and I'm decent at them. I'd love to be a secret agent or a nationally hired assassin. I mean killing people is bad, I'm not sure I'm even going to be able to kill an innocent deer come hunting season. But imagine all the excitement and adventure one secret agent assassin gets to go on. Its just not that fair. Last night I had a dream that I was a sniper. I only own one gun...a .50 cal muzzleloader rifle...I mean really. I can't be a sniper with that, the reloading would be a killer…

Being in Love

This morning/afternoon there was a huge thunderstorm and the sky was incredibly dark. It looked like it should be around 8 or 9pm instead of 11:52am. I loved it. We had a tremendous downpour with a little lightening and thunder. It didn't last though. The sun came out and I spent the day playing sniper assassin games on my computer.

What do I miss most about being in a relationship? That is the question of the day. I think that the thing I miss most was having someone care about me unconditionally. Someone who was always concerned for my well being and who made me feel special as if his life couldn't go on without me in it. I suppose that is me putting myself on a pedestal.

The physicality of a relationship is nice. I enjoyed resting my head on the guy's shoulder or having big protective arms wrapped around me. A kiss here and there was nice too. I spent a lot of my life so far forcing relationships with people I cared about. See, I dated a few guys who were into me way more…

A small taste of normalcy

If I were to write about my day today, this blog would be a paragraph long. Honestly I woke up at noon, watched tv on my computer all day, ate, watched Remember the Titans (with my mom!) and now I'm laying in bed writing. My parents talked to me today...small fragmented sentences...but at least they're talking. So I suppose that was a step towards normalcy or some numbed version of it. I'm pleased and I hope the progress continues. I will tell you this, I had some of my wino wine this evening. It is DELICIOUS! It tastes just the way I remember it...like grape juice but grape juice with 9.95% alcohol. My mother cut me off at one glass. Mainly because I sort of drank it like it was grape juice. But its a whole 3 liters, I don't want it to go bad! :P

I'm not an alcoholic. I'm an alcohol enthusiast. I love the way it tastes most of the time, the way the bottles are decorated, the stories behind the creation of a "smooth or unique taste to enjoy responsibly.&quo…

Its like the sturdy glass of sanity shattered inside my head....

Today has been one giant hodgepodge of thoughts. I really want to structure these posts a little more but this could be stream of consciousness all over again. First I'll sum up the adventures of the day and then I'll let you step inside my war zone of a head and try to make sense of it all. Ok? Great.

I woke up at 6am for my 6:30am departure to Cape May, New Jersey...my official homeland/birthplace and home to my grandmother...my only living grandparent. The ride started off with a stiff silence which I decided to penetrate by plugging in two tiny white headphones which produce the most beautiful and peaceful sound in the world to me which is just about the only remedy to get my mind right---music. The three hour ride got us at the Cape May Lewis Ferry at 9 for our 9:15am departure.

My mom and I made small talk, sort of, during this whole period of time. It wasn't much but it was something. When the boat reached Cape May we found my grandmother waiting patiently in the term…

When a perfect thing is broken

My mother doesn't have a drug problem. She rarely drinks. She has been married to my father for 26 years. She works hard, cooking and cleaning and making our house a home. She chose not to pursue a career but rather to stay at home and raise me. I'm not sure how much of a sacrifice this was when she made this decision because my mother isn't exactly a very open person. Yet it turned into a sacrifice throughout the past 22 years I think. She likes old movies and the actor Cary Grant. She doesn't like butter beans or peas but she'll force them down if she has too because my dad and I love them. She likes gardening and she has really sharp graphic design skills when it comes to the computer. She has given up a lot so I could have a million times more than she had. So has my dad.

My dad has never been violent towards me or my mother. He is a gentle and caring person with a great sense of humor. He likes to take on various hobbies and he pretty much excels in everything …

A Small Break of Sunshine through the Clouds

Today was a good day. It was almost euphoric. It was a much better day than what I've been having lately.

I woke up at 7am, really tired because I couldn't sleep the night before. It could have been the before dinner nap I took to pass the time that messed up my sleep schedule. I went to bed around 12:30am, fell asleep around 1:30am and woke up at 7am. Not a lot of sleep. That fact didn't deter me because I was going flounder fishing today with my parents and our neighbors. Even though my parents are still extremely upset with me (grudge, grudge, grudge), they had to pretend like everything was wonderful. So, I literally had them kind of pretending that life was peachy for about 5 hours. It was really nice. We went fishing out of Folly's Creek, yes the creek that takes me to Cedar island. We caught about 40 fish between the four of us (me, my dad, my neighbor and his wife). My mom didn't want to fish she just enjoyed watching. They were all flounder except one...th…

I Dedicate This Song to All My Friends

These lyrics sum up my life and friends right now. They're not depressing. This goes out to all of you, you know who you are.

Miles Apart - Yellowcard

If I could I would do all of this again
Travel back in time with you to where this all began
We could hide inside ourselves and leave the world behind
And make believe there's something left to find

We'll be miles apart
I'll keep you deep inside
You're always in my heart
A new life to start
I may be leaving but you're always in my heart

Now we've all grown up, gone on and moved away
Nothing I can do about it, nothing I can say
To bring us back to where we were when life was not this hard (life was not this hard)
Looking back it all just seems so far, so far away

We'll be miles apart
I'll keep you deep inside
You're always in my heart
A new life to start
I may be leaving but you're always in my heart

I'd give it up for just one more day with you
Give it up for just one more day
I'd give it up for just one mo…