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Showing posts from April, 2014

Keep Calm. I Am Alive.

On the morning of April 22nd at around 8:35am I turned in a 40+ page photo book to the office of Graduate Studies. My comprehensive exams were complete. The chapter of Graduate School is coming to a close.

The past two weeks have been a nice little hurricane of projects, lack of sleep, questionable self-care, work pressure, stress, angst, and finally a little bit of relief. Comps consisted of two large papers and a book of 100 original photos with captions, printed and bound. I thought I would have the opportunity to work out but all I worked out was my digestion track with the Dominos Pizza, McDonalds, Wrap Shack, beer, candy, and cookies I ate. Needless to say, I was a bit of a mess. I stayed focused and put my all into the projects, they got done, and I believe I did well. But I let myself go. I'm dying to get back to the gym this week.

The morning I turned in my photobook, I had 5 hours of sleep the night before and I had to work a 10 hour day. I was irritable and all my clie…

I'm Rallying

Holy mother of exhaustion. The car crash nightmares. The feeling of chronic fatigue even after 8 hours of sleep. The trance-like disassociation I experienced. It felt like I was out of my body and watching it. I'd go to the grocery store and aimlessly wander the aisles like someone on a drug trip, not sure of my goal and overwhelmed how to achieve it. The simplest tasks were gargantuan. I'd sit on the bus and just pray to close my eyes and open them and be home without the effort. Eating was tiring. Everything hurt.

This is how the past week has been. Things are a little better, as I'm now just a tad groggy instead of full out depleted every day. The nightmares are taking a break. In fact, two nights ago I dreamt of Kate Middleton and reconciling with an old friend. Good dreams. The upswing started after I spent 45 minutes curled in a ball at the foot of my bed with the window open, just listening to the noises outside and concentrating on my breathing.

I've never bee…

Whoop There It Is

Have you ever misplaced your keys and spent massive amounts of time searching for them? You feel completely anxious and panicked. How about when you try to figure out a complex problem and mull over possible solutions. Ever feel hopeless as if this solution-less state will never end?

When we hit snags, especially ones that don't resolve quickly, we get lost in the hopelessness of the all. We feel stuck and the notion of getting unstuck seems incredibly far fetched. We keep trying to get unstuck but eventually the hopelessness gives way to apathy.

That is until something magical happens. We find the keys in their obvious place. The solution to the complex problem suddenly dawns on you. You pull free of the snag.

That instantaneous feeling of joy and relief immediately erases the buildup of anxiety and dread you just went through. A weight is lifted off of your shoulders and you pretty much forget all about how stuck you felt and how long you felt that way. You solved the problem. O…