Friday, October 1, 2010

A Public Apology

Dear Friends,

Hey besties, family, friends, aquaintences, stalkers, and even enemies. I would like to apologize to all of you for my absence from your lives. From the bottom of my heart I am truly sorry that I do not call, text, Facebook message, reply to anything or e-mail. I used to pride myself as that person who never loses contact with the people I love...considering I still keep in touch with my first grade teacher. (Granted, I haven't sent any messages her way in awhile either). However, I can now shamefully admit that I'm not that person anymore.

Friendships and relationships take effort on both sides and I have been lacking on my side. I don't have excuses, but it is interesting how life just happens. You go from high school and hanging out everyday during the summer. Then you go into college where you lose daily touch with your high school friends but make new friends in the meantime. After college you have graduation day and suddenly your ripped from your little social circle and you and all your friends become young professionals.

You get your first job, you enter graduate school, you live with nuns for a year while doing a volunteer program or you take a year off to explore the world. Whatever it is, you're forced to make new friends, and try to keep in touch with your old ones. It is hard. Especially when you live far away from all your friends and your day consists of waking up, walking 8 blocks uphill to the bus stop, working for 8.5 hours, coming home, eating dinner, vegging out and going to bed. 5 days a week.

I've become a recluse. It takes enough effort for me to get out of bed each morning and try to do my best at my job (which as much as I complain, I do love). The extra effort it takes to call friends up on the phone or write a little e-mail is beyond what I'm capable of right now. This is sad, because I value my friendships even though I feel like I don't have any right now. I know I do...I just....yeah.

So I'm sorry I only have enough energy to get me through the motions. My life is not my own anyway. I really think that once I have my own place and my own life and my own schedule I'll be able to be social again. I'll call, post pictures of my new apartment, send texts to you when something reminds me of the good times we had and maybe even write letters by hand. Who knows. But until that happens I'm an exhausted caveman, waking up each morning only to count the hours down to when I can go back to sleep again.

I miss you all. I hope we'll re-connect soon. A life without friendships isn't really a life at all.

Mary Anna

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