On my way to work this morning as I walked the streets of North Philadelphia, I did something I haven't done in a long time. I SMILED on my way to work. I still adore my job and things are busy but not particularly stressful. However, during this walk I recalled a time when my friend and I were at Penn Treaty Park eating sandwiches and sweating buckets while an elderly man with his shirt raised over his stomach kept running laps around the park, making comments each time he passed. Why did I remember such a bizarre memory? Because it was 47 degrees outside...the first time in two months where I could walk to work without seeing my breath. This weather has been horrible and apocolyptic. I think I've devloped that seasonal disorder where you get depressed because the sun doesn't shine...ever. No wonder people in Alaska go crazy! I take Vitamin D twice a day and I still don't feel all that happy and perky.
I need abundant sunshine. Warmth. Blue skies and an occasional rockstar thunderstorm.
This week has been anything but easy. I've battled "normal" reactions to my new medications, stomach cramps that make you want to go to the light, and general uneasiness/moodiness with a nice slap of pessimism.
On Saturday I had a great day with my friend David from William and Mary. We went to the Academy of Natural Sciences and enjoyed a fun day of nerdin out. What was refreshing about being with David is that I could be my silly self....a certain part of myself I tend to conceal when I'm with older or new people. There is just something liberating about sticking your head in a dinosaurs mouth for a picture or pretending you're falling head first into a snow covered fountain. For one day, I was a kid again and I loved it.
Saturday night marked the beginning of "the week of the pain." That night my stomach and female organs rebelled against me in such a way I thought I was going to die. I was exhausted from a long and fun day. All I wanted to do was sleep but sleep I could not. Not with all of that pain. I think it finally subsided around 1:30am or so. It was just a rough night....that led to a rough week of pain, fatigue, and ill feeling all over.
But I'm married to my job and lack common sense so of course I come in to work to make everyone else miserable! I spend the day, strapped to my desk chair, being non productive and complaining about everything. In my mind, its the right thing to fight through the pain and come to work to do my job. In reality, I should have stayed home, recovered properly, and came back to work refreshed and ready to be very productive. Fail.
So today is the best I've felt in awhile. I finally picked up my new TV at Walmart and have become somewhat addicted to it. The stars are aligned and I can start focusing on what is important.
That would be....trying to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life because I love my job but I'm not sure this is the career path I want to head down, sticking to a firm and disiplined fitness regieme, actually practcing my 12 steps to happiness, learning new things like increasing my proficiency in Spanish, writing something to submit to my montly writer's group, and actually being social. I'm too young to be a hermit.
Let's work towards getting these things accomplished!
I'll start tomorrow...or maybe Friday.
Until Next Time...