Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted. one moment
Would you capture it or just let it slip? - Eminem
Adulthood makes you do some pretty uncomfortable things. Like interview for important opportunities, negotiate with potential employers, be confrontational and take risks. I find it funny that those carpe diem people run their mouths on taking risks and never looking back. You only got one life to live so go out and shake things up! These mantras are simply idealistic. They aren't words you can really live by. I consider myself a pretty outgoing individual. I think I take risks but when given the opportunity to actually take a huge risk...to define what you want in life and fight like hell to get it...I'd prefer to dream about it. Dreaming is safer. You fly in dreams. You don't fall. You don't make regrettable life decisions.
I'm not going to dream though. I am going to do. I'm going to shake things up. I've been the girl that moved to a huge city with few connections and survived. I'm the person that said "I Love You" first and...well also survived. I do have a sense of adventure, even if it is only in my head.
I know exactly what I want to do with my life. Last night I watched Lena Dunham's "Tiny Furniture." The film didn't really have a point but I could see where Dunham gets a lot of her inspiration for "Girls." Anyway, the main character, Aura, graduates from college and moves back in with her mom and little sister (ironically played by her actual mother and actual younger sister). Aura tries to find her way. She's trying to "figure it out." Kind of like Hannah in "Girls." Both characters mooch a bit and keep begging her parents and the world to give her a break to "figure things out."
I thank God every day I never turned out like that. That I am just a walking pent up ball of ambition. That I went to college, found a way off the Eastern Shore (no offense, you're beautiful) for more lucrative opportunities. Do you know that I have been living in my Center City apartment for 4 years now? That is 4 years of pure independence in the City of Brotherly Love. Nothing earth-shattering has happened to me. And all this time, especially within the past three years, I know that I want to be a journalist. I want to be a writer. I want to be a storyteller for the rest of my life. Nothing else quite compares to that level of fulfillment I feel when I cover a story.
And I'm working like hell to get there. I'm exploring all avenues. I'm taking chances. I've been let down. I've been led on. But I keep fighting because this is what I want. I am good at this. This is my "gift." My "talent."
I'm a storyteller.
Until next time....