Monday, February 4, 2013

Top Highlights from MA's Epic Superbowl Bash

In case you weren't there, which many of you were not. Here is what you missed during last night's epic Superbowl Bash.

1. Before my guests arrived a bottle of Trader Joe's Potsticker Goyza sauce flew out of one of my cabinets, crashed onto my floor, exploded everywhere and projectile splashed as far as my bathroom sink. I was in the kitchen. It was epic and horrible and looked like someone had been shot. I was pissed but I got everything clean before my guests arrived. Thank God for paper towels and Lysol wipes.

2. The Dip. Its an amazing turkey chili cheese dip which was a huge success and a fan favorite each year. Noms.

3. Our Halftime Freakout. The whole time leading up to the Halftime show, I kept saying "Oh my God guys, Destiny's Child is going to have a reunion." Cue the halftime show. Beyonce is out on stage shaking her booty and making really weird facial expressions which I keep commenting on. Dialog ensues. "MA, I don't think its happening. I think its just Beyonce." "SHUT THE HELL UP IT MUST HAPPEN." "MA, no really." "KELLY AND MICHELLE WILL POP UP OUT OF NOWHERE DURING BOOTYLICIOUS!" "MA, I'm sorry, this is such a disappointment, but its not happening."

Then it happened. Kelly Rowland popped out of NOWHERE onto the stage during Bootylicious and we all had a collective freak out moment of screaming, clapping, cheering, and loud exclamation. Did I call it or what?

4. Tequila. We did shots. Often. At one point we took a shot and toasted to Michelle Williams. She always gets the short end of the stick.

5. Team switching. 3/4s into the game, my friend decides she's suddenly a 49ers fan. She literally peels off her purple sweater and wears her red scarf. She cheers on the 49ers (which to my non-football friends got simplified to "purple team" and "red team." Then when the Ravens won, she put her purple sweater back on and said "I'm for the purple team now."

6. The epic HOLDING CALL that never happened and the 49ers coach's manic gestures. We had fun with that one. We made an exercise routine out of it. We made dance moves. We pretty much did everything we could to enjoy that slow motion holding call demand which never happened.

7. Narration. The second half of the football game was complete with nonsensical narration which inevitably was decided should be turned into an annual podcast. Such commentary including "Whatcha doin? Where you going? Why you holding a ball? Why you wearing tights? Why are you on the ground? Did that hurt?"

8. Our affinity for the Nor'leans ref who after the power outage said "Play on!" We loved his calls. We loved his accent. He was kind of attractive. He was awesome. As was the power outage where we relayed all the fantastic Tweets and Facebook postings about the outage.

9. Deja vu. Exactly one year ago I had friends over for the Superbowl. We were loud and raunchy and had a blast. I left my phone in the other room and somehow missed several late night calls from my landlord. I thought I was being too loud and someone called to complain about the noise. So, I admitted to doing something I wasn't even sure I was guilty of and sent a long e-mail to him apologizing for my loudness. He replied, stating the girl that lives below me was locked out and he wanted me to let her in. #fail. Exactly one year later (last night) my landlord calls me again. This time, I know better. I answer the phone with poise and turns out, the bitch locked herself out again and I have to let her in. My landlord was surprised I was home but grateful I could take care of the problem. So, bizarre and why the hell does she lock herself out every Superbowl?

10. Favorite commercials. #1 the old people that escape from the nursing home and do crazy things and then go back at the wee hours of the morning. #2 Clydesdale pony commercial. #3 That was it. Also, glad I was alone during the Sandy Hook chorus performance at the beginning of the game because I definitely teared up.

My favorite quotes:

"He shut him down! He didn't go to start, shut down, turn off computer. He just pulled the plug!"
"Thanks for telling us about the power outage, now explain it, bitch."
"So, this family is going to have an awkward family dinner after the Superbowl had two brothers as opposing team coaches. 'How can we forget the time he put crayons on the heater and they melted? Or that year he spit in the Thanksgiving turkey? Noo, that's all forgotten now that he has a Superbowl Ring!" haha
"To Michelle Williams!"
"I'm not sure how I feel about this commercial."

All in all it was a good night with excellent food and excellent company. I'm a regular Martha Stewart with some tequila on the side.

Until next time...

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