Tuesday, June 4, 2013

I Only Get Hit On When I Am Angry

Today I thought I would share an interesting exchange that occurred on my commute in. After a horrendous morning consisting of setting my alarm for the wrong day, having the bus blow by me because it was full, and being stuck behind a trash truck on a narrow street forever (eventually making me a full hour late for work), I wasn't in the best of moods.

Aviators on, iced coffee in hand and music blasting in my ears...I boarded the EL and found an empty seat. Of course, someone decided they wanted to sit next to me. I enjoyed solo seatdom for a good minute before this guy plops down in the empty seat next to me. I stare coldly out my aviators to the window and he, of course, tries to engage me in conversation. I pop the headphones out and say "What?"

"Do those headphones go to your phone?" he asks.

"Yep." I reply

"Can I hold your phone?" he asks. Actually, this is what I thought he said so I replied, "Why, so you can grab it and run out the door at the next stop? Hell no."

He laughed. "No, no, can I call your phone?"

"Nope." I replied.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" he asked.

"Yep" I replied

"How long have you had that probl...been together?" he asked.

"Six months." I lied. He made some comment about how that wasn't a boyfriend but a fling or something.

At this point, I had enough. "Damn you are bold. What is your success rate?" I asked him with a smile.

That did it. "Right now I'm 0 for 1. Damn you are cool as shit! You remind me of Khole Kardashian!" he said.

"Cute, but I don't think so. I haven't been to many basketball games lately," I replied.

This exchange continued for several more stops and included comments such as "I can't resist a girl with long hair, thickness and cute toes." and "do you know what TBT means?" (Thick beautiful and tempting) He told me he was jealous of my iced coffee because my lips were touching the straw. I told him he should be and he should use that line at a bar when a girl takes a shot of tequila and sucks the lime. If she's drunk enough, that line might actually work.

"You should try the westbound direction. You might have better luck there." I said with snark. Smitten, he tried to give me his number as he got off at his stop. I tipped my iced coffee at him through the window as he walked away.

I'm fairly certain I'm going to end up a Craigslist Missed Connection.

Until next time....


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