Wednesday, January 30, 2013

You Know What Really Grinds My Gears?

Lately I've found I'm getting irked by the simple things. So I decided to scream, shout and let it all out in a list of things that grind my gears:

(In no particular order)

1. People that demand a receipt confirming you read their e-mail. I'm sorry, but as an American, I can choose whether or not I even WANT to read your e-mail. What does it matter if I read it or not? Half the time you're sending me something stupid and I feel like you are elitist for making sure I read it. Doesn't your inbox get full of receipts? Doesn't that get annoying? As annoying as you making sure I read your e-mails?

2. This morning I'm almost 100% certain a lady tried to steal my cell phone. I was at Dunkin Donuts getting my morning coffee when a woman stopped me and asked if I had a cell phone because she had to "call her job." My compassionate, caring side had not woken up yet and I was in an awful mood. Naturally I told her that no, I did not have a cell phone, I left it at home and was quite pissed about it. I figured if she needed to call "the job" that badly she would have asked someone else or made a general plea "Does anyone have a cell phone I can borrow for a second? I have to call my job!" But alas no, she retreated into a bathroom...that had an "Out of Order" sign on it. To do what, I have no idea, but due to that sequence of events I sense she was going to take my cell phone and run. This annoyed me for several reasons. The first is that she's relying on the generosity of a stranger to swindle them. The second is that she targeted me out of everyone in the store. Why? Because I was a white, nicely dressed female and she saw IPHONE or ANDROID written all over my professional presentation. Well bitch, I have a BLACKBERRY so beat it. The third is that if this is the new ploy to rob people, I'm saddened by that.

3. People that are very desperate on Facebook for opposite sex attention. I'm talking about the people that post endless ecards, memes and posters about "ALL I WANT IS TRUE LOVE" and "I JUST WANT TO BELONG TO SOMEBODY". Or people whose statuses read "wish someone was here to cuddle with me on this cold night." Look, I'm a big fat hypocrite. I spent years whining on this blog about how sad I was to be single, how awful it was to not be noticed by men, and how desperately I WANTED TO SNUGGLE WITH SOMEONE ON A COLD NIGHT...but when you're on the other side of the coin and you look back at where you were, you realize you come off as sad and pathetic. I can't judge you Lonely Single Facebookers, but I can almost feel sorry for you. You can call my bluff when someone responds to your status, post, ecard and says "OMG I LOVE YOU AND WANT TO BE WITH YOU," however I'm fairly certain they might just be trying to save you from further embarrassment.

4. People that cut in line on the trolley platform to be the first person on the trolley. I'm sorry, unless you're elderly or have an infant/toddler or a physical disability, you should not be pushing people out of the way to board the trolley first. Especially if you totally just rolled up to the platform and haven't been waiting in the same spot in the cold, freezing your ass off for the past 15 minutes. What gives you the RIGHT to get on this trolley before me? Laziness or the fact you and your unfit ass don't want to stand is not a good reason. So please, get to the back of the line, lay off the processed foods and wait your damn turn.

5. People that do not get up when you have a window seat, they are sitting next to you, and you need to exit the mode of transportation. These people swing their legs out to the side and make you squeeze past them. Like I said before, I really want to say "You know what, you are really ignorant. I hope my ass cheek grazes your face." I usually keep these comments to myself.

6. People that get to travel to other countries like its no big thing. You irritate me because I'm jealous of you. That's all.

7. Ignorant people who can't do their own job yet find one million reasons to throw your ass under the bus to protect theirs. There is one of these in every workplace. You pull your weight, you excel at what you do and you have that one person who can't get anything right and really doesn't care about it. So every time they are called out on a mistake, they drag your name through the mud and blame you. How do these people still have jobs? Why must we all put up with them? When can I give them a piece of my mind without getting fired? Oh that's right, never.

8. Homeless people that cuss you out because you don't give them money. Granted, they may have mental instabilities or be REALLY down on their luck. But I hate it when I pass by another hard pressed soul and he/she asks me for money. I typically acknowledge them with an "I'm sorry" or "no" because they are PEOPLE not ANIMALS or THINGS. However, on the occasions I mind my own business and go about my way, I typically get cussed out. "YOU BITCH. YOU CAN'T SPARE A DOLLA? WTF IS WRONG WITH YOUR SELFISH ASS?" This does happen. I continue walking. I've even had male panhandlers shout out pretty crude things to me. I have the best comebacks 20 minutes later, but for my personal safety and the sake of humanity...I keep my mouth shut and keep on truckin.

9. People that try to sneak in 15-20 items in the 10 item express checkout. That's just wrong.

10. People who pop in your office for a visit and then proceed to creep up behind you and peer at your computer screen to see what you are or are not working on. They probably don't even realize they are doing it, but its annoying as crap. What if I don't want you to see the USA Today Crossword Puzzle I'm working on during my lunch break or the raging e-mail a co-worker just sent me? A quick glance at the screen is fine, but deliberate, stand behind you, lean in your space, stare at your screen and try to read everything is not. Manners. Please.

That is all I can think of at the present time. I'm pretty sure I'm PMSing so that would explain my angry bitchy post. Talk to me in a week and a half. haha

Until next time...

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Why I Don't Talk to Strangers in Philly

I consider myself a pretty social person. I love striking up a conversation about anything. However, since moving to the City of Brotherly Love, I find I am not as willing to chat up a perfect stranger. The social dynamic of 21st century city life is actually quite interesting. Think about it, you hop on public transportation, snatch a window seat and pray that no one sits next to you. Because that means if you need to get off before they do, you will ACTUALLY HAVE TO SPEAK to them. Of course, if they do sit next to you, there is an 80% chance that when you have to exit the bus/subway, they WON'T get up but rather shift their legs into the aisle and make you squeeze past them. When this occurs, I resist the urge to say "Thanks asshole. I hope my ass cheeks graze your face."

We listen to our MP3 players, and read our Kindles and pretty much fall into an anti-social commute where you say things like "excuse me" and that is about it. This morning I was riding the bus to work and sat next to a girl who had the same exact umbrella as I. I smiled, nodded to my umbrella and said "Hey! Nice umbrella!" To which she grunted in response and stared at the floor, seemingly annoyed/startled someone actually communicated a verbal thought to her this morning.

Philly, like most cities, requires a certain selective attitude when choosing to speak to a stranger. You might say "gee, this weather is nice" and end up in a political debate with a paranoid, mentally challenged, homeless person who happens to be dressed well and smelling nice that day. My person favorite is when I'm listening to my headphones and someone says something to me. I pop a headphone out, ask them to repeat themselves and answer whatever question they asked. Then I don't know whether to pop my headphone back in, because, what if they want more information? Nothing is more aggravating than having to ask a headphone wearing pedestrian several questions, several different times. Numerous times I'm accosted by people at my bus stop who make me pop out a headphone to answer them and then follow up with a lecture. "You know Miss, you're losing a sense when you're listening to those ear buds. I called out to you three times before you heard me. What if I was a robber or something? You wouldn't even hear me coming." Valid point. However, I'm standing no more than 70 feet from my apartment building in one of the safest neighborhoods in the city. That is not to say that nothing bad could happen, but I feel quite safe and secure around these surroundings and in my 2 years living in that spot, the only situations I miss out on have been people asking the time and if I see the bus down the street.

It is very entertaining to walk around the city with my mother, who decides to say hello to damn near everyone. She asks me why I don't acknowledge passer-byes and I'm like...because its Philly. You only talk to people you need something from. She says "hello, hi, good morning" and the recipients of her greetings mumble awkwardly or look wide eyed and startled. That is entertainment you can't buy.

The moral of the story is that our society has went from a very social one to a very anti-social one. The communication norms are shifting everyday and people's comfort zones have been redeveloped to include, well, only people they are familiar with or want something from. I try to tell strangers to have a good day after they ask me the time and sometimes they're genuinely pleased and other times they just ignore me. Such is life.

Until next time...

What if I'm not a Writer?

I've mentioned this before. My first book I ever wrote was a few chapters long. Each page was a new chapter. I was in second or third ...