It's almost 5am and I'm wide awake

I awoke around 3am only to discover that my cartilage earring had somehow escaped from my ear. Part of me was actually concerned that the hole might close and part of me just wanted to go back to sleep. Needless to say my concern kept me awake, led me to a morning bathroom break, and eventually lead me to said earring. I remember after my shower yesterday I felt something fall and hit my foot. I didn't think anything of it until I started searching for my earring at 3am. Sure enough that is what hit my foot and I found it at the threshold of my bedroom door. So I popped it back into my ear without the struggle I was expecting. Those holes close fast! Then I crawled back into bed with the hopes of drifting peacefully back to sleep.

Fail.

I have my window closed because yesterday I woke up with a dry throat and I felt sinus pressure all day. I figured it was in my best interest to sweat a little bit rather than come down with a nasty cold the week before our "end of the year" retreat for RMC at Sea Isle. Yes, I have air conditioning but I don't want to freeze to death or dry up the air that way either. So my throat feels better and my headache (I've been getting a headache each night) is gone but I find that I am a hot mess, wide awake and now it is 5am.

So this weekend didn't go as planned but I won't say it was horrible either. I thought with the men prospects in my life I'd have a hot date Friday night. That did not happen. So as I was getting ready for my bestie/beach trip with David I got a text cancelling that too. Turns out it was threatening rain all day on Saturday so the beach was a no go. That was highly disappointing since it did not rain at all. Perhaps if we went we would have faced downpours. I've been in a relatively bad mood the past few days so this did not make matters any better. On Saturday I was trying to muster up some positive thoughts and go out and face the world with a smile. Of course, the elderly Sister in my community trapped me into taking her all over greater Abington for errands. Now I really don't mind helping her out but I was just about to finally get off my ass and go to the park for awhile when she came in and asked me ever so nicely to take her to this medical supply store for stockings and then to this restaurant where she has a gift certificate to "just to look at the restaurant." See, she has this thing where she can't stand having gift cards on her person. She's been hounding me about this gift card where you need to spend $50 and then you get $25 off. The whole ordeal is quite complicated, no fault of her own. So she wanted to just go and ask questions (most of which I already answered) and get a menu to take back to the community.

We get to the medical supply place and I am beyond grumpy. They are closed, of course. So then we go to the restaurant and she asks the waitress questions which I already answered. Then she decides she wants to get lunch there. This was her plan all along, to blackmail me into eating out. I really didn't mind but I could have withstood not eating high calorie BBQ. I refused to order until she said "I'll have what you're having," thus forcing me to order something. The whole gesture was really nice of her and the food was amazing. However, that is not what I had planned on doing on my fell to shit Saturday. So we ordered all this food and took it back to the community. I enjoyed lunch with her because I really do enjoy her company. I just wish she hadn't blind-sided me to take her out. Its funny because first she asked her brother to take her, then she called in sick to work and told her brother she didn't feel like it, and then she asked me to take her. haha

So after lunch it was too late to go to the park so I decided to spend money. I went and got my eyebrows waxed and my hair cut. Got some tights from Target and red nail polish. Went to a few more stores and picked up cute shoes at Conway. By then it was almost time to book it to church because I had planned on going out Saturday night and didn't want to get up on Sunday. So I made it to church with 5 min to spare and enjoyed Mass at Mary Mother of the Redeemer. I couldn't concentrate on the mass because the girl in front of me was crying throughout the whole thing. At first she went to the restroom and her mom asked dad if she should go with her. I was sitting thinking 'your daughter looks like she is a teenager, I'm sure she can pee by herself.' When the girl came back her mom gave her this worried look. Then at some point mom put her arm around the girl and dad held her hand. The girl started crying softly and did so for the whole mass. Additionally a girl several pews back on the other side was crying too. At first I thought it was a kid but then I realized it was a 9 or 10 year old girl. So I have no clue why these girls were so upset but I hope everything works out for them. Maybe some passed away from there school or something. I don't know but it was kind of heartbreaking.

After mass I came home, eager to go out into the city for dancing and drinks. I had invited Connie to come along and figured if she didn't want to go I wouldn't go either. Well, she bailed of course and I just wanted to sulk for the rest of the night. I didn't, however, and instead watched "Dear John" with Connie and the Sisters. It isn't that I mind staying in, because I don't. But I haven't gone out in awhile and my epic epic weekend lost its epicness with each day. The movie was good and afterwards I did laundry, ate half a box of Cheese Its and had a beer. It was classic white trash.

On Sunday I had two events to attend. Fortunately the world didn't blow up so I was actually able to go to these. I woke up feeling the first signs of a bad cold. I decided to make myself feel less of a fat ass I'd go to the park first. So I did. When I came back I showered and got ready for my first BBQ. I of course got lost and arrived an hour later than planned. It was nice and there was a lot of food. My coworker was hosting it so some of my other coworkers were there along with her family. Fun fact - at some point during the BBQ her nephew gave me his number and told me to call him sometime but not to tell her. I was amused because for 1) I wouldn't go behind her back like that because she is like a mother to me and 2) all the men in my life have somehow disappeared at the same time so it was nice to know I still have game.

I left that BBQ at 5 or so after numerous hugs from one of my very drunk but one of my very favorite co-workers. I missed the turn to my dinner event and wasted about 15 minutes back tracking trying to get to my destination. I got there at about 6pm right as dinner was being served. I had a nice time and left around 9 something.

I have off today and if I'm conscience at 10:30am when my alarm was set to go off, I'll go to Memorial Day Mass and lunch. At this rate I for see me being awake until then anyway. I'm not prone to insomnia but this must be what it feels like. And like I said before, I've been getting headaches every night for the past few days. I don't know what is up but I hope it is just allergies and sinus pressure.

Also like I said before, the men in my life have disappeared. I mean literally evaporated. At one point I was getting texts, e-mails and calls up the wazoo and now....nothing. Its like God is making me go cold turkey or something. I do now realize that love will not come when you're looking for it. Just as a watched pot never boils. Perhaps the reason why I've been single for oh, 5 years is because I've spent that time searching desperately for love. I think I'm at that point where I've almost got everything I need. I'm looking for housing, I might have a job, I am moving to a new city (well year old but still new to me), my faith life is somewhat in check, so naturally all I need is a guy, right? haha People either shake their heads at my insane desire to be loved or play along with my dramatic stories. Either way, neither is fulfilling. :( If one more person says to me "you have your whole life ahead of you." I might scream. I think Bridget Jones sums it up well in her diary when she says something along the lines of "a whole weekend ahead with no one to love and no dates to look forward to." Its so funny because Jones is so whiny about not having a man throughout the whole book. I see myself in that. Then I shudder in fear because she is 30 something and still single. There is nothing wrong with that but that is something I do not want to face...going to smugly married people's parties, having people question where I'm going to get kids from since my expiration date is rapidly approaching (if I was 30), etc. It makes me relieved that I am only 22!

So I guess that is it. It is almost 5:30 and I am still very awake. I might put some music on and try to sleep to that. I figured since I had the time I mine as well update the world on my not so epic but not so horrible weekend.

To our deceased veterans: Thank you for giving up your tomorrow so that I may have one.

Until next time....