That's some real shit right there.
I come to you all, not from a place of exasperation or frustration. I'm not defeated, nor do I feel any sort of negativity in my bones. What I do feel is exhaustion and the realization that trying to do all of these things I listed above at the same time is really really hard.
So far in 2018, I've been pretty faithful with my water drinking. I've managed to sip at least 64 oz. of water almost every day. Some days it is a bit less, but I'm definitely drinking far more water than I ever have before. I've also established a very concrete skincare routine. At night I'm using charcoal cleanser, toner and eye cream. In the morning I use the toner. I'm brushing my teeth with charcoal teeth whitening powder twice a week. I finally bought a new brush and am trying to do more stuff with my hair or at least brush it often.
These little achievements may sound like common sense or basic hygiene, but I'm telling you, these are things I really haven't invested much time and effort in before. I barely drank water. I would just shower and not do anything special with my face. I'd brush my teeth twice a day and that was that. Also, if I was really stressed, my hair would thank me by forming thick and unwelcome dreadlocks.
The other goals are slowly progressing as well. I've been faithful to the SELF Magazine New Years Challenge. I've had to switch around some rest days and double up workouts based on my schedule, but I have faithfully stuck to the program and have not skipped any exercises. I've also been successfully going to kickboxing at least twice a week. I'm watching what I eat, being mindful of what I put into my mouth, knowing it will go into my body. But I haven't been depriving myself of things like an occasional doughnut, cookie or pizza.
I was supposed to write every single day but I'm slipping on that goal. Probably because the results aren't that visual. It is more of a mental thing. I have a notebook by my bed, where I'm supposed to jot down a few thoughts before going to sleep. What I started doing was rushing through one to two sentences and then turning the lights out, ready to pass out for the night. I also wanted to read one book per month, but I've found I don't have a lot of time for reading with all these other goals going on.
I've managed to keep my apartment relatively clean and my refreshed kitchen space remains immaculate. I'm using my Food Saver to keep fresh veggies throughout the week which means I eat more veggies. All good things.
While I feel like I have a decent balance between work and life...I know there are some elements are are lacking. My social life has been dismal because of weather, priorities and lack of energy. The other night I was going to go to a bar to do my work for my other job, but once I showered, I couldn't justify putting real pants on and makeup to go out into the world. I did go to a concert this weekend with my best friend and celebrated the Eagles win and journey to the Super Bowl, but that was as social as I've been since the year started.
Part of me is worried that if I focus to much on one thing, say...exercise and eating right...I'll lose sight of the other things that need my attention like my Story Slam schedule or writing my book. I still haven't mastered waking up early to maximize my waking hours.
All of this is just to say, being the perfect human is impossible and striving to be your best self is really hard work. Sometimes you just need to spend your entire Saturday sleeping and listening to relaxing music. Every minute of every day does not need to be planned. Progress comes with your heart is into it.
Until next time...
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