What if I'm not a Writer?

I've mentioned this before. My first book I ever wrote was a few chapters long. Each page was a new chapter. I was in second or third grade. The book was about unicorns that lived on another planet. "Do you like writing?" my teacher asked me.

"Well, I don't like moving the pencil back and forth but I like telling stories," I replied. That was because I didn't know if she meant writing like..writing stories or writing like penmanship. I didn't have the patience for penmanship. 

I've been telling stories ever since. 

Besides a ridiculously strong empathy complex, writing has always been my superpower. I'd help friends with papers, I'd edit clients' work, I'd write profound posts on life's happenings that my friends would share. I'd journal. I'd blog. I still do many of these things. However, recently, I've begun to slip down the slide of self-doubt. Influences in my life, some of which have been put in place to make me a better and stronger writer, have tended to a garden of insecurity.

My current full-time role has seen a shift in responsibilities. Many writing projects are being shared with freelance writers....the very role I'm striving to become. Is my work sub-par? Am I not as good as everyone once said I was? Why are these writers a better fit? If I'm not writing...what am I doing here?

At my part-time gig, which I love dearly, I now have been challenged to "step out of my comfort zone" and my work is seeing sharper editing and challenging to elevate it to brilliance. Have I been naive enough to think I had been grazing brilliance every time? Shit, I thought I was great. Apparently I have a lot to learn. 

That is the problem with riding the compliment wave. Everything you do gets praise and when the praise turns into critiques, it is hard not to assume you suddenly suck. Instead of seeing the critiques as growth and learning opportunities and a chance to home in on my craft, I'm doing what I always do. I'm taking them personally. 

If I am not a writer...what the hell am I? I'm certainly not a journalist because I have never been able to break into that challenging and yet dying field full-time. I'm not a marketer because I never was one. I'm a PR person by profession but I do not have the skills to be a PR mogul. I also find press releases to be boring and constricting. If I'm not a writer...I don't know what I am. Perhaps I am still a writer...just not a good one. 

This brain dump is just a way for me to process some things. As January roars to a close, I've lost 10lbs, felt like I was on a different level of conscience all month, bathed myself in unwavering positivity and tried really hard to make each day count. It was exhausting and it was exceptional. Now I'm questioning things. What am I? Who am I? 

I think I need to identify the pitfalls in my writing and seek professional help to fix them. Perhaps a writing course or writing workshop. I need some sort of development to improve my writing skills. After all, are any of us true masters? We spend our lives perfecting our works and elevating our skills. Clearly I need to do that. I need to take myself out of the "great writer" space and put myself back on the path of a novice learning to craft a sentence. 

To new beginnings or something optimistic like that. *clink*

Until next time...

2018: A Year In Review

It is that time again! Okay, well, actually it is a little bit late but here we are. 2018 a Year in Review:

January
I started off the year with a bang. I was drinking 64oz of water each day, exercises, caught up with my RTC clients, and felt focused. I started the SELF New Year Challenge which gave me circuit workouts to do each day. But as all things, that tapered off by the end of the month. Work exhausted me, it got cold, I stopped finding the time to work out and I hadn't read a book yet. 

February
February was an incredible month. THE EAGLES WON THE SUPER BOWL!!!! I got to watch the game with some close friends at my favorite local brewery. We had a table right by the TV and ate and drank beer all night. When we clinched the title, we ran out onto Broad street and celebrated with all of Philadelphia. I was drinking champagne from the bottle and wielding an Eagles towel. 

I was so excited I almost had an asthma attack on my way to Broad. I walked all the way up from Synder to Broad and Washington, high fiving strangers and going on Facebook Live. Some guy proposed to me and a bunch of random people would just jump in my selfies. I took off work a few days later so I could experience the parade as well. I will never forget it. It is a story to tell my kids someday. 

I also got a chance to be a pretty pretty princess. My friend Kailah gave me a ticket to the annual Philadelphia Auto Show Black Tie Tailgate, which is this super swanky gala that benefits CHOP. 

We got ready at her hotel and then Uber Blacked our way to the gala. Stepping out of a beautiful SUV onto a red carpet was something special. We enjoyed an open bar and food all night long. Plus there were pretty cars we could touch and take pictures with. It was a good time. 

And here is one of the parade. It was important. There is Coach Doug and Carson Wentz. Nick Foles is next to him in the hat. PURE JOY. Best day ever. Seriously. 

March
In March I went to the Philadelphia Flower Show with my best friend David. We did the butterfly room again and I enjoyed sampling the spirits at the Wine and Spirits booth. 

Also in March, I completed a successful "run every day" challenge." Each day I ran or ran/walked 1 mile throughout the month of March. We experienced FOUR Nor'Easters last year in that month so there were some snow miles in there too. it was cold as hell but I did my last mile on the sunny Eastern Shore of VA. I had to drop my kid off with my parents because I had a very exciting adventure planned for April. 

April

In April I went on a solo adventure to Arizona and Utah. I began my travels in Phoenix and then drove to Scottsdale where I stayed at the most amazing AirBnB. I really felt like I was home. I got to visit my favorite bar out there, Old Town Gringos and the manager hooked me up with free swag and a house margarita. I also, finally, finished the hike I started a few years ago on a desert preserve. After a day in Scottsdale, I drove up to Sedona, Arizona. 

Sedona was tricky. I faced crippling anxiety for no reason AND I couldn't breathe. I was breathing fine in Scottsdale but with the altitude change, I was coughing the entire time. It was crazy and I was pissed because Sedona is a hikers mecca. They say the vortexes can make you feel things when you're there. I swear mine amplified my anxiety. I still found ways to have fun like getting a full body massage, trying acupuncture for the first time, eating dinner at my favorite restaurant there and hiking. I did a seven mile hike where I wasn't sure I would make it off the trail! (It was hard and everything hurt). My time in Sedona made me realize I needed to make my health a priority. 

After Sedona I drove all the way to Utah. It was a long drive and I was tired from not getting enough sleep the night before but once I entered Zion National Park, everything changed. It is by far my favorite national park and the most beautiful place. I fell in love. I wanted to try the hardest hike they have, the treacherous Angel's Landing, by I knew my lungs were not up to snuff. I was still coughing. I did, however, have the chance to hike part of The Narrows, where you hike IN a river in a canyon. 

I was so damn happy even though I didn't pay to get the water pants and boots. I loved Zion so much I wanted to return the next day but my receipt aka my ticket blew off the dash when I was taking pictures exiting the park. It was for the best. I went to stay at a lodge in Kanab before heading over to Bryce Canyon National Park. 

It SNOWED. Which was crazy. I didn't do much hiking because my lungs were shot. I was coughing every few minutes and I knew I didn't have the physical fitness to successfully hike down and back up the canyon. I drove it though! You can drive throughout the park and stop at all the overlooks. So I did, in the snow and it was beautiful. After Bryce I drove to Hatch where I spent the night in a beautiful little mountainside yurt. It was such a cool experience. Then I drove all the way from Utah to Scottsdale where I spent one more night in my favorite AirBnB before flying home the next day. 

Solo adventuring is amazing and I highly recommend it. I'm considering a Colorado/Utah trip this year if I can swing it. 

Upon returning, I took Bronx to Sea Isle for a romp around the Shore before the season starts. 

He had so much fun! He hates water but loves the beach. He likes chasing the shorebirds and running in the sand. It makes me so happy to see him so happy. I try to take him once a year when dogs are allowed on the beach. 

I also did the Run for Clean Air with Bronx and my friends Maura and Sharon. Then as April roared to a close I got to meet one of my heroes. The only person to get through to me when I needed it the most: Badass motivator Jen Sincero. I went to one of her book signing talks and got to get my picture with her. OMG, swoon. She is amazing and she told me to keep writing. 

May
May is when things started to take a turn for the worst. I had to work 2 weeks nonstop (including weekends) for a work project. I had one day off and it was for the Broad Street Run which I ran my slowest time ever. It was brutal. My knee hurt, my lungs were busted and I just wasn't in fighting shape. After that I had fun with my friend Ramya and spent quality time outdoors with B. 

June
I took a "big girl" fashion risk and wore a crop top to a 90's concert and party. I think I pulled the look off quite well. 

I also took my kickboxing partner to see Philly Bloco for her birthday. We had a blast. 
OH and I cut my hair! That happened in June as well. 

July
In July I attended my first ever Daybreaker rave where I did yoga in the morning and a sober dance party right after. The energy was lit! Then I took Bronx to City Hall for the annual Patriotic Pup contest. He was the poster dog this year! They used an old photo of him to promote the contest. This year I dressed him up as the statue of liberty. The contest was peer voted and ran two days. There were a total of 18 dogs. Winner would win a Bud Light gas grill. So....

Yeah, we won. By a landslide! I was so happy! I didn't have space for the grill at that moment but I strapped it into my Kia Soul, drove it to my apartment, carried it up three flights of stairs and stored it in my front room under my coat rack. haha

August
August was another crazy month. I went to Sea Isle, I attended the retirement game for Shane Victorino, my favorite Phillies player. I almost cried during his speech. It was also in August that I made a big decision. It was time to move. My landlords were selling my building and I didn't want to stick around to see what would happen. If my rent went up, I wanted more amenities. So I pulled the trigger and found my third home on Craigslist in a row! This time my dreams came true. I applied for a row home in the Whitman neighborhood of Philly. It had a basement with a washer and dryer, a dishwasher, two bedrooms and a yard. I got it! 

And I would move right after my 31st birthday, making my birthday a bit anticlimactic. 
But right after my birthday I participated in the Yoga on the Outfield event on the Phillies outfield followed by an open bar/brunch in the Diamond club. 

It was epic. 

Then I moved. 

It was exhausting. But I hired movers this time so it wasn't as stressful as it could have been and I had some friends help me which was great. I've been in the house four months now and I LOVE it. 

September
In September I decided to attend the first ever MOGUL X event in NYC. I had been writing for Mogul for almost two years so it seemed like a good idea. I got to meet CEO Tiffany Pham and have her sign her book for me. I attended cool sessions and met some interesting people. I felt a bit out of my league as the fashionistas of New York were there and I was bumbling around in ripped up jeans and a blazer, but I still had fun. 

Toward the end of September I attended a Gatsby-themed event at the Franklin Institute with my friend Kailah. 

We enjoyed speakeasy-like cocktails, jazz and costume watching. I also took B to the South Philly Sasuagefest. 

I was supposed to go camping with my parents in September. I was looking forward to it because kids were in school and it was going to be wine weekend at the campground. Unfortunately, the weather had different plans. A hurricane hit the area and my parents had to evacuate back to their home. I came down anyway and we had a "non-vacation" where we spent the whole time making fun of the fact we were not on vacation. We made the best of it. 

October
In October I got to decorate my house for Halloween! I also went to the Endless Summer Show at Xfinity Live! David and I payed for VIP access which also meant a buffet and personal viewing area. A lot of bands I liked were playing and the weather was perfect for a fall show. 

The VERY NEXT DAY, David and I drove to Jim Thorpe, PA where I would go on the hardest and scariest hike of my life. First off, I brought my mountain goat aka puppers who had been having trouble walking with one of his paws. Second, it had rained ALOT so the rocks were hella slippery. Third, it was just hard hiking with a dog. I had to pick him up and have other people pick him up and place him on rocks. On one occasion, Bronx slipped on a rock and was dangling by his harness/leash. Thank GOD I wore a runners leash with a bungee cord. That meant B was literally strapped to my torso so if he went somewhere I'd go with him. We had some close calls but the waterfalls were beautiful. I think I'd happily go again but I'd have to leave B home. 

I kept thinking about the close calls over the next few days and how I could have injured or even lost my dog on that damn trail. 

After the hike of death, I had a single day conference in Baltimore. I decided to drop B off with my parents and take two days in Baltimore so I could explore. I had never been before despite living so close to it. I got to visit the first ever Catholic Cathedral, Edgar Allen Poe's grave, Little Italy and the Harbor. I even went to the National Aquarium. 

As October came to a close, my friend Maura and I went to a bar to watch the Eagles morning game taking place in London. That meant BREAKFAST BEERS! The bar also had a raffle contest for a Yeti cooler. Maura and I combined our tickets to try to win the damn thing. 

AND WE DID! Maura lets me keep it at my house but if she ever needs it, it is all hers. It looks great with my Bud Light Grill. 

November
My high school friend Chrystal was supposed to get married in September but the stupid hurricane nixed those plans. She had to reschedule for November. I was so glad I could make the new date. 

I spent November trying to survive work. I did some community service just for fun by helping clean up my local park. Then I got to host my first ever FRIENDSGIVING at my house! I cooked a turkey for the first time and had some friends over. It went perfectly. I even got a shirt made for the occasion. 

Shortly after Friendsgiving, I attended the Philadelphia Writer's Workshop where I pitched my non-fiction book to an agent. She requested my proposal and I'm really excited about seeking representation for it!

December
December was filled with tradition and friends and even an unexpected roommate. I went to see the Philadelphia Christmas light shows, celebrated a good friend's birthday, went to Longwood Gardens to see their Christmas displays and then went home for Christmas. I also had two stories published in Milestones, the Philadelphia Corporation for the Aging's monthly newspaper. It was the first time I had a print byline in awhile. I also ended the year grateful for my RTC clients. That work really fulfills me. 

All in all it was a pretty good year. It was a hard year as well. I learned a lot about what I need to do in my life to be happy. I am getting a better sense of what my purpose is. I'm so grateful for the collection of friends I have worked on gathering and this has by far been my most social of years in awhile. I am still madly in love with Philadelphia and I have to say, I have a good feeling about 2019. 

Big things are going to happen. 

Until next time....

Follow Along

Hey friends! I've started a new blog to document a challenge journey I'm on. I'll be posting there until the challenge is done. Then I'll be right back here! Follow along at thesevendayswitch.blogspot.com.

Yo, What's Up Blogger Fam?

My last post was June 2018. I'm sure many of you thought the 9 year old blog was over. Perhaps it was done for good, left to die on the internet. 

Never. I want to keep this thing going as long as I can. 

I'll get you up to speed.

June
I kicked off the month by going to a "Saved by the 90's" party all by myself. I had friends who were supposed to go but they bailed so I went solo. I wore a crop top, skinny jeans, a hat and tied a flannel plaid shirt around my waist. It was an outfit well out of my comfort zone. I tried my best to act natural and really "own" the look.I think I did a good job! I stayed for the live portion of the party and then ventured back home, just pleased I took a little fashion risk and stuck with it for the night. 

I also cut off all my hair at an exclusive studio in Center City. I was on a wait list to get an appointment there! I had to take off work for the appointment but it was worth it. 

June was full of music. I saw Nathanial Rateliff and the Nightsweats. I took my kickboxing bff to see Philly Bloco live in West Philly (we had a great night of drinking and dancing). And I went home to the ESVA to surprise my dad for Father's Day. 

The highlight of June came toward the back end. I attended my first ever "Daybreaker Yoga Rave." It started at 10am with an hour of yoga followed by two hours of dancing through the decades. No alcohol, just pure fun and organic snacks. The community was incredibly judge-free and you really felt a part of something. The goal was to get out there and dance. That was it. I went with my friend Maura and we had a ball. I almost got emotional at one point during a spoken word set because I felt so grateful to be a part of that morning. Loved it. 

That afternoon, I got Bronx dressed up for the Patriotic Pooch Contest at City Hall. Center City District had used a photo of B from last year to promote the contest. I decked him out as the Statue of Liberty and we put our best paws forward. The contest was a two-day contest that was peer-judged. 18 dogs entered and the winner would get a Bud Light Gas Grill. Last year when I entered Bronx, we arrived five minutes after the judging! We were actually told if we got there a few minutes prior, he would have won. Bronx didn't care. He was just glad to be out of the apartment and on an adventure but I felt like I let him down. So I went full-on pageant mom. I even had a social media campaign "Vote for #8."

Two days after the contest we got a call. Bronx won. He won by a landslide. 

So we went to pickup our grill! I tied my trunk semi closed and drove 3 miles an hour back to South Philly. I then carried the grill up 3 flights of steps and let it rest in my front room of my apartment. I promised Bronx some hot dogs when we were finally able to fire it up. 

July

Of course I kicked off July by doing all the 4th of July Philly things including watching Rocky on the Art Museum steps and attending the Party on the Parkway. I won tickets to the concert seats this year but it was ungodly hot. Instead I went to a friend of a friend's bbq and ended up watching the fireworks on top of a rooftop bar in South Philly. 

In mid-July I attended a crabfest with my best friend. It was that night when I received a text from my landlord. They needed to show my apartment in two days. They were selling my building. Their goal was to keep the tenants in place at the rents we're paying, but I knew better. At my last apartment, two months after I moved out, the landlord slapped 30 day notices on all the doors because he sold the building. Now I had a dog, which meant finding a new place to live would be difficult. I decided to be proactive and search.

My work life got mega complicated to the point I thought I might lose my job. I began to wonder what the future had in store for me because my life was mega-interrupted. 

Fortunately I got my answer somewhat quickly. After some baseline searching on the internet, I ended up visiting a two bedroom house that was for rent in the neighborhood I was hoping to move to. I applied, got it and signed a new lease for mid-August. I'd be moving from a third floor walk up to a house! I'd finally get to use that grill Bronx and I won. 

August
August was an insane blur. I was packing and writing and preparing for the big move. My parents came to visit me the week before I was set to move which was very helpful. We cleaned the new house from top to bottom and packed up my kitchen (which took an entire day). I was purging things left and right but still felt like I had too much stuff. 

August continued to fly by and before I knew it, it was my 31st birthday AND moving weekend. That's right. I moved two days after my birthday. It was almost anticlimactic but friends and family made my day special. I did go to Ray's Happy Birthday Bar for my birthday shot and enjoyed traditional vanilla cake with Bronx back in my kitchen. 

Two days later I moved. I made more trips up and down my three flights of stairs than I hope I ever have to make again. I had friends help me here and there and I hired movers this time which was a huge help. Next thing I know, everything is in my house and I'm surrounded by a hoard of boxes. Time to unpack. 

September
So here we are! In the meantime I've been writing a lot for MOGUL. This weekend I'm headed to New York for a single day conference put on by MOGUL. I'm excited to meet the CEO and some of the people I write for. I've also been MAD busy with RTC. I have five active clients so there is always writing or editing work that needs to be done. I absolutely love it, I just wish I could dedicate more of my time to it. 

Stay tuned for more updates that won't take three months to put here!

Until next time....

Alive and Well

Hi friends! This is just a note that I'm alive and well. I promise to post an update soon. I've been very busy writing for Round Table Companies, MOGUL and doing freelance projects.

Until next time...

Boom Chakra Chakra

I know I've been venting a bit on this blog about feeling off balance and feeling like I can't juggle all of my goals while surviving and being a decent human being. Well, this time, I'm not here to vent. I'm here to tell you I'm doing something about all of that. 

Also, I owe you guys a Super Bowl and Super Bowl Parade post. I think I'll do that later in the week for a February wrap up or something. 

Anyway, I decided to explore some ways to instill balance in my life. One of those things was the purchase of essential oils. I only have a six pack and they're blended for very specific things: stress, head relief, muscle relief, sleep, breathing, health. But I also bought mini inhalers, like these lipstick tube-like things that let you put some oils on a cotton wick to smell throughout the day. AND I bought an essential oil diffuser. I know a lot of people who swear by these oils and believe me, I though it sounded stupid. Oh, right...smelling random crap can make you feel better? 

Yes it can. The sleep one? Yeah, that thing knocks me out and I have the most restful sleep. I had a massive wine hangover on Saturday. I plugged it in and diffused my "head relief" oil and took a nap. I felt so much better. 

I am also trying to learn more about the chakras. You know, those seven energy centers within the body? I think if I learn more about them I might be able to figure out how to hack meditation. I can't meditate. If I sit still with myself I start worrying about all the things I should be doing instead of sitting still. So maybe focusing on certain energy centers might help me.

But that's not all. I'm so excited to announce that I have booked a trip to Arizona and Utah for April! Lately I've been feeling called to the red rocks of Arizona. I just have a strong desire to go out there and hike and be warm and breathe in the clean air. Something is out there that I need, I just don't know what it is. So I'm going on a solo trip to Scottsdale, Sedona, Kanab, Zion National Park, Bryce Canyon National Park and Flagstaff. I haven't been on a "Mary Anna vacation" in years. Typically when I have time off I go to Virginia for the holiday or break or go camping with my parents. 

I'm also excited that I get to go alone. I'm going to do a lot of hiking. There is a remote Yurt stay at some point as well. I just need to clear my head. In addition to all of this, I'm exploring purpose and passion books/webinars and various things. I have a pretty good idea what I want to do with the rest of my life, I just don't have a tangible way to turn my life into just that. 

Until next time...

Making the Most of It

It being....life. 

We're almost halfway through February 2018. Where does the time go? What do we spend our time doing? 

This morning, like nearly every Monday morning, I was greeted with social media posts of memes and cartoons. Each of these entertaining tidbits had a common theme: Mondays suck...don't want to go back to work. 

They're cute, bite-sized and damn well relatable. "Case of the Mondays?" Who does't have that? If we're lucky we get two precious days to ourselves. We spend those two precious days doing all of the things we don't have time to do on the days we spend at work. Those tasks include but are not limited to: laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, errands, housework, organizing, more work and if you have a family...well...doing things for your partner/kids..etc. 

We go to bed on Sunday and wake up Monday morning. Another week. 

I really struggle with that feeling of dreading Mondays. I struggle with the paralyzing anxiety that comes Sunday night, wondering if I got everything done, hoping I did everything I could to prepare for the week ahead. While I chuckle and raise my coffee above my head to toast the Monday Sucks Meme Posters, I also feel a bit of sadness. Why do we have to hate Mondays? Why do we have to dread work? Why do we have to roll our eyes at the endless torrent of meetings and e-mails? Why do we need to zone out with Netflix or grab a drink at the bar to ease the stress and tensions caused by things that don't really matter?

I know, I'm offering a plethora of questions with little to no answers. It is just, I spent my entire weekend working to feel okay about the week. I was searching for balance. I was searching for a sense of control over my life. I fell off the exercise train, no surprise there. I've been celebrating the Eagles Super Bowl win hard (post on that to come later). (Somehow did NOT gain weight despite the amount of beer/wings I consumed). But I put all this effort into preparation and now we're here. It is Monday. I want to be back home, with my dog, listening to music or writing or daydreaming while watching the wind blow the trees outside my window. 

You don't have to live a life where you dread Mondays. No job is perfect, but people need to really work hard to develop a plan that allows them to be financially stable AND happy. I'm not saying every single day is sunshine and rainbows, but dammit...create a life you can't wait to wake up to each morning.

That is what I'm trying to do. It is hard. There are so many detours. But that is the life I want. The kind of life where when you see the Monday Sucks memes you just shake your head and say, "Not my Monday. My Monday is awesome."

Until next time...

Juggling Life

This GIF usually comes as a meme, where someone says, "Me trying to pay my bills, eat healthy, exercise, maintain a social life, text people back, excel and my career, be happy and stay sane." 

That's some real shit right there.

I come to you all, not from a place of exasperation or frustration. I'm not defeated, nor do I feel any sort of negativity in my bones. What I do feel is exhaustion and the realization that trying to do all of these things I listed above at the same time is really really hard. 

So far in 2018, I've been pretty faithful with my water drinking. I've managed to sip at least 64 oz. of water almost every day. Some days it is a bit less, but I'm definitely drinking far more water than I ever have before. I've also established a very concrete skincare routine. At night I'm using charcoal cleanser, toner and eye cream. In the morning I use the toner. I'm brushing my teeth with charcoal teeth whitening powder twice a week. I finally bought a new brush and am trying to do more stuff with my hair or at least brush it often.

These little achievements may sound like common sense or basic hygiene, but I'm telling you, these are things I really haven't invested much time and effort in before. I barely drank water. I would just shower and not do anything special with my face. I'd brush my teeth twice a day and that was that. Also, if I was really stressed, my hair would thank me by forming thick and unwelcome dreadlocks. 

The other goals are slowly progressing as well. I've been faithful to the SELF Magazine New Years Challenge. I've had to switch around some rest days and double up workouts based on my schedule, but I have faithfully stuck to the program and have not skipped any exercises. I've also been successfully going to kickboxing at least twice a week. I'm watching what I eat, being mindful of what I put into my mouth, knowing it will go into my body. But I haven't been depriving myself of things like an occasional doughnut, cookie or pizza. 

I was supposed to write every single day but I'm slipping on that goal. Probably because the results aren't that visual. It is more of a mental thing. I have a notebook by my bed, where I'm supposed to jot down a few thoughts before going to sleep. What I started doing was rushing through one to two sentences and then turning the lights out, ready to pass out for the night. I also wanted to read one book per month, but I've found I don't have a lot of time for reading with all these other goals going on. 

I've managed to keep my apartment relatively clean and my refreshed kitchen space remains immaculate. I'm using my Food Saver to keep fresh veggies throughout the week which means I eat more veggies. All good things. 

While I feel like I have a decent balance between work and life...I know there are some elements are are lacking. My social life has been dismal because of weather, priorities and lack of energy. The other night I was going to go to a bar to do my work for my other job, but once I showered, I couldn't justify putting real pants on and makeup to go out into the world. I did go to a concert this weekend with my best friend and celebrated the Eagles win and journey to the Super Bowl, but that was as social as I've been since the year started. 

Part of me is worried that if I focus to much on one thing, say...exercise and eating right...I'll lose sight of the other things that need my attention like my Story Slam schedule or writing my book. I still haven't mastered waking up early to maximize my waking hours. 

All of this is just to say, being the perfect human is impossible and striving to be your best self is really hard work. Sometimes you just need to spend your entire Saturday sleeping and listening to relaxing music. Every minute of every day does not need to be planned. Progress comes with your heart is into it. 

Until next time...

The Art of Storytelling

One moment I'm gently eyeing my peers success, reminding myself of my own mediocrity. The next moment, I'm on stage in front of a packed theater doing what I love best: being the center of attention. I mean...telling stories. 

Last night I competed in my second First Person Arts Story Slam. The theme, "Once More With Feeling" inspired me to tell the audience about a time I tried Pound Fitness, failed miserably and went back the next week to prove myself and try again. It was peppered with funny lines and moments and only went about 20 seconds over the 5 minute cut off mark. Judging was fierce and I received consistent 8's on Performance and an 8, 7 and 6 on content. 

I'll be honest, the 6 stung a bit. Granted, the judges were really strict and people were getting dealt average and below average scores all night for various things. What it did, though, was remind me that storytelling is an art. It doesn't matter how many times you make someone laugh...if you're at a storm slam...you need to tell a story. Which I did. But I analyzed my story and realized it lacked a story arc. It had a strong beginning and engaging middle but fell flat at the end. There was no suspense. So I'm going to take that lesson to heart the next time I perform in one of these things. 

Self-critic aside, I had a blast. I really enjoy listening to the other storytellers and being a part of the First Person Arts scene. It feels so good to be a part of something. It also feels good to do something I'm so passionate about. I was so wired last night I couldn't really sleep. I also had the absolute best Uber ride on my way home. My driver, Jean was playing Puff Daddy's "I'll Be Missing You," which I happen to know ALL of the words to. I treated him to some white girl rapping and he was laughing so hard. He loved it. I was the best customer of the night. I bet my rating jumps from a 4.90 to a 4.91. (I take pride in my Uber passenger rating).

What's next? Well..working on that damn book of mine...taking my new found storytelling lessons to the Podcast because that REALLY needs some work AND quite possibly, throwing my hat in the stand up comedy ring. I found a show/contest thingy at the end of the month and I'm considering trying to put a bid in for a 4 minute set. We'll see what happens. Telling stories. Making people laugh. Being 100% me. These are a few of my favorite things. 

And yes...also being the center of attention for five minutes. That too.

Until next time...

The Inspiration Around You

Thou shall not covet your neighbor's success. That should be one of the Ten Commandments. Seriously. I'm on Week #3 of my water drinking, mindful writing, exercise often adventure. So far so good. I'm making tiny little successes each day. The scale isn't moving too much but my skin is clearing up and I swear my pants are getting baggier. I'm still absolutely in love with my part-time job as a writer and writing coach. My clients are incredible people and I feel honored to be helping them on their book writing journeys. I'm staying as focused as I can.

In the corner of my eye I see what others are doing. This past weekend was a majorly successful weekend for people from the Eastern Shore of Virginia. One person married the love of his life in a celebration people will be talking about from years to come. Another person won a major award for her children's book on women in black history. She was on the Tonight Show last night with Trevor Noah. Both of these two had dreams in high school and both of them are fulfilling those dreams.

I'm proud to know them. I'm incredibly happy for them. I'm also painfully aware of my own mediocrity. I have big plans and big dreams too, but I'm not as close as I'd like to be in terms of fulfilling them. My book? Still working on it. I have until August to submit it to the agents who expressed interest. I'm working on building my platform on social and boosting the listeners of my podcast. However, those two have shown me that I can grab life by the balls and get what I want: a fulfilling career telling stories and making people laugh AND true love. 

So I'm not jealous but I am aware that these things I hope for are possible. It is just going to take a lot of sacrifice and a lot of work. I'm heading in the right direction, just taking a very slow and cautious train to get there. 

In other news, I'm trying to compete in another First Person Arts Story Slam tonight. I almost backed out because I didn't think my story was that good, but in the last minute...decided to sharpen it and bought tickets for me and my best friend. Today is also the 8th anniversary of my Mom Mom's death. Maybe she'll be with me tonight as I share my story. I'm glad I decided to stick with it. I made a resolution to compete in as many story slams as I can. I'm using them as the baby steps to work my way up to open mic stand up. 

I've got big dreams and I'm gonna chase them. I've seen people beat me there. I applaud them and use their success as my inspiration. I'll get there too. In my own time.

Until next time...

Honor Your Reality

For my DIY MFA Book Club, Writing Prompt #2 is: Write about a time you had to honor your reality. So here we go.

My reality is a reality of significant student loan debt, substantial but manageable-ish credit card debt, a car payment, utilities, life insurance, car insurance, renter's insurance, and rent. This reality is the reality of almost all people. I know. I also won't make excuses. I'm lucky that I only have two mouths to feed...my own and my dog's. However, this reality means that there is one resource I need to make sure is ever flowing and reliable: cold hard cash. 

We need money to survive and I (like many people) really need my health insurance. I have an array of health problems that require daily medications (including asthma so I need inhalers to you know, breathe). Because of these needs, money and medical, I have to work a job that pays a living wage. Guess what? Being a writer is not that job. 

As a full-time marketer finding great joy and fulfillment in my freelance side hustles, I also have to expand my capacity for time management. That means, mornings and evenings are fair game and free space to complete side hustle work. That's a lot of work. I don't mind the hard work, but I can't magically cram more hours into the day. I'm willing to make sacrifices to write more, believe me I am. However, I need at least a few hours of sleep to function properly, right? Can I give up sleep too? 

So my writing reality is living a sustainable life to pay to live while trying to eek out time to do what I love...writing. If I could just get that book proposal done and build my platform empire I might be able to transfer to the life of a writer full-time. Until then!

Until next time...

How did I become a writer?

In my last post I shared with you a few things I'm doing every day or often this New Year. One of them is write every day. I joined DIY MFA's book club which includes being a part of a dynamic and supportive group of writers AND writing prompts! I needed a home for my prompts to live, so why not this blog? 

How did I become a writer? (That is the prompt)

Once upon a time there was an inquisitive little girl who loved a good story. She was also very obsessed with unicorns. In the second grade, she took on the task of writing her very first chapter book. Each page was a new chapter and the book was about unicorns living on another planet..of course. Her teacher noticed her dedication to her manuscript and asked the young girl, "Do you enjoy writing? It seems like you do."

The girl replied, "Well, I don't really enjoy moving the pencil back and forth but I like telling stories." 

You see, the young girl thought the teacher meant penmanship, a practice the young girl would never fully master. However the teacher meant writing. 

The young girl grew up loving her English classes, welcoming the opportunity to write themes or journal in class. She filled the intro pages of many notebooks with ideas and settings and stories. She would love storytelling so much that she decided she wanted to tell stories about real people. 

At the ripe age of 16, she wrote a story about her work at a local nursing home. She borrowed her mother's car and drove to the headquarters of the local paper. Story in hand, she walked in and asked to speak to the editor in chief. She wanted to learn, she wanted to write and she was willing to do it for free. Impressed by her gumption, the editor took her back to his office. The two talked about her goals and he offered her the opportunity to write for the paper to learn the craft of journalism. Her first assignment was a profile on one of the residents of the nursing home where she worked part-time.

The girl spent weeks working on the profile. Her subject, a woman in her 90's who didn't think anyone would want to read about herself, was a dedicated church organist who received a ride to her hometown church every Sunday. She would wear a rose colored coat while playing hymns, a pastime she really enjoyed. The young journalist, however, got caught up in high school drama, extracurricular activities and the stress of being a teenager. She was never given a firm deadline so she toyed with the story off and on.

One day, the subject of her story fell ill. She was hospitalized. This was a swift kick in the ass the young journalist needed to get the story completed. She carefully but quickly wrapped up the article and submitted it to her editor. The next day, she received devastating news. Her subject had passed away. 

It was the day before the story was set to go to print. Present tense was changed to past and the profile became a tribute piece. The young journalist learned a harsh lesson about deadlines that day. She would go on to write many stories and eventually earn a spot as the youngest paid freelance journalist for the local paper. 

As you've figured, that young journalist was me. At 30, I'm a corporate communications manager for a health system but my true love and passion rests with writing. I'm currently working on my first non-fiction humor book. I am a contributor to on-line platform, MOGUL and like an affair I can't shake...I am constantly looking for ways to be a journalist in today's less than certain financial times. 

I'm also a staff writer and writing coach for a phenomenal storytelling company called Round Table Companies. The work I do for them brings me great joy. 

So, how did I become a writer? Well, by writing about unicorns. Then about people. Journaling often and of course trying desperately to appease my insatiable appetite for reading. If I could spend the rest of my life writing stories about people, places and things, making people laugh and spreading a little bit of joy in places where it is needed most...I'd say I've fulfilled my destiny. 

Until next time...

7 Days Into a Better Life

The first week of 2018 proved to be a good one. I drank at least 64 oz of water each and every day. I faithfully completed week one of the SELF Magazine New Year's Challenge. I wrote every night. I did my nightly skin care routine. I attempted to get up early each day but that is going to be a struggle. I caught up with all of my work and even had time to watch a few movies. I was focused and determined. 

Now it is week two. Still focused, still determined and still struggling with waking up early. When my alarm blared at 6:15am this morning I was sure it was a mistake. What is that noise? I thought. I wondered if it was my on-call phone or something outside, but alas no...it was my alarm..waking me up for a chilly Monday. 

Being present and mindful all of the time is hard work. I've mentioned this before when I've embarked on such challenges and vowed to get my life in order. Drinking so much water a difficult (first world problems, I know). Making sure the workout happens no matter what. Pushing myself to do what needs to be done when I'd rather just nap. I did accomplish what needed to be done this weekend, though! My apartment is damn near immaculate. I worked tirelessly to renovate some of my spaces, adding lights or moving things around to breathe life into my apartment that I've been living in for almost three years. 

The only snag in my epic plans, was my kitchen sink decided it wanted to leak. The drain basin needs plumber's putty or something because if the sink is on, it now leaks into the cabinet below. I called my landlord about it, but I had to wash my dishes in my bathtub...a skill I learned from watching Hoarder's, actually. Hoping for a fix today because I use a lot of pots/pans/dishes with my healthy recipes. Last night I made shrimp "fried" rice, which was shrimp cauliflower rice. 

So, let's go week two! Bring it on! (Gently)

Until next time...

2018 Here We Go!

New Year. New Me. 

Totally kidding. There is something refreshing about a New Year. Ironically, January 1st is not the only day of the year when you can make a fresh start. You have 365 opportunities to make a fresh start or a positive life change. I guess the hype and support in early January pressures people into making changes. Of course many of those changes and good intentions fall to the wayside by mid February and early March. Gym memberships begin to go unused. Food prepping takes a back seat. The stress of everyday life takes over. 

Not. This. Time. 

I don't have any resolutions such as "lose weight" or "be a better person." But I sure as hell have some goals I'm working on. 

• Become a morning person - I hate mornings. I'd rather sleep in until 10:30am every day. When I wake up for work, I usually get up at the next to last second, throw my clothes on, grab my dog and take him for a quick walk, come home and feed him while slapping some make-up on my face and then rush to my car while muttering obscenities. I'm trying to appreciate mornings. One morning in late 2017, I had to get up early to move my car because it was parked in a construction area and had to be relocated by 7am. I was amazed how much free time I had before work. I spent it laying in bed playing on my phone but I realized it was time I could be using to work on my goals and things. So, trying to wake up early each day and be awake before I take on the world. 
• Drink more water - Why is drinking water so damn hard? I don't hate it. I don't mind it. I'm kind of indifferent when it comes to water. Sure, I prefer liquids with flavor like coffee or tea or sparkling water. Just plain old H20? Eh, why? However, so many studies out there have linked drinking water to a bazillion health benefits including: clearer skin, weight loss, increased mental function, increased organ function, increased immune system and increased energy. A good friend of mine got me a water bottle for Christmas. I have so many water bottles but this one is nice. It is robust and is 32 oz. I literally just have to drink TWO of those bottles a day. That is it. TWO. I can do it. So I start the day off with lemon water and then my second bottle will be plain water. 
• Read one book a month - I love to read, but I feel I never have the time to do so. Why? Well, besides my commute averaging two hours a day (hour back and forth), I like to spend my evenings vegging out on my couch watching shows. I screw around on my phone, watch a few shows and go to bed. There is plenty of time to write, do work for my part-time job, or read a book. Instead I choose the most passive activity I can find. The best way to be a good writer (besides write a lot) is to read a lot. I've committed myself to read one book per month. 
• Write Often - One of my most favorite things to do is write. I never want that craft to dull in shine so I've set up a notebook on my night table. I plan to write in it every day. Doesn't have to be a journal entry or a long story. I just want to write something. Last night I wrote a poem before going to bed. Off to a great start. Can't wait to read the year in review of writing come December. 
• Get out there - Compete in more story slams, try stand-up open mic nights, visit art museums, hang out with friends on work nights, travel. I need to get out in the world more. Set up shop in a cafe and write. Hang out with a friend for a few hours even though I'm tired. Compete every damn month (or try to) in the First Person Arts Story Slam. Revamp the podcast, write more, put myself out there. 
• Take care of thyself - One theme that was pretty consistent in 2017 is that I get sick...A Lot. I had the flu in February, some respiratory stuff in the summer. I got sick in September and that lasted a few months. Then right before Christmas I got sick again and wound up in the ER. So, let's stop that shit. In addition to drinking more water and taking vitamins, I'm really trying to keep my health up to snuff. This includes taking more vitamins, eating cleaner, adopting (already started this) a nightly skin care routine, putting make up on with purpose, moisturizing. Adulting is hard, I mean you have to drink enough water, exercise, take care of your skin, eat healthy, get plenty of sleep, be social, look pretty, take care of your kids/dog, succeed at work and do that each and every day. I'm going to do it though. 
• Mental Health - I have anxiety (who doesn't), but recently my "time anxiety" has been kicked up a notch. I am anxious about getting to places on time. I'm anxious about having enough time to do things. I'm anxious about not having enough time in the day. I'm anxious about wasting time. I'm anxious about how much time I have on earth. I'm anxious about where my life plan is now compared to others. I'm anxious all the time. To combat that, I'm going to explore meditation. I feel like my brain is a never-ending rotating hamster wheel but I'm going to try it out and see if it helps. Also, I plan on continuing to use my bullet journal as my lifeline. 

Sounds like a lot, but I find if I really focus on each goal, I can accomplish great things. I did it in 2016. I did a lot of great things in 2017. Let's make the magic happen in 2018. This is the year. 

Until next time...