Sunday, June 7, 2009

As I emerge from exile

These past few days have been very difficult. With my car out of commission, I have not been able to drive anywhere. With my computer out of commission, I have not been able to keep in touch with anyone or update this blog as often as I'd like/need to in order to maintain my sanity. My friends are far away or working. I am not working. I've read entire books, said a lot of prayers, subjected myself to weeding a garden yet single handedly destroyed my mother's garden when I mauled what I thought were weeds but were actually small green leafy things that eventually turn into flowers. I've contemplated the meaning of life and came up empty. I really really wanted a coloring book for the first time in a long time. I napped a lot just to pass the time. My stomach has hurt a lot too.

These past few days have been very difficult. I honestly don't know how to put all of them in words. I got into a really huge and dramatic fight with my parents a few days ago about something so stupid I don't really remember it. Yet this fight led to a lot of screaming and upsetting and silent treatments. When I complained about being alone a few days ago...I wasn't as nearly alone as I've been yesterday. Now my parents won't even talk to me. Its a product of previously independent daughter fighting with sudden submission to parental authority. I lived my life an entirely different way at school than I do here. Transitions. They're a killer.

I'm not going to lie. Due to the events of the past 24 hours, none of which I wish to elaborate on now but maybe will in the future...I kind of have nothing to say. I popped a pill for my headache/stomach ache and an anti anxiety pill to make the world feel warm, mushy, and happy.

I get my car fixed tomorrow. My computer is fixed now. Progress. So I'm back to civilization and back on the job hunt tomorrow. Hopefully it will bring happier times.

Until next time.

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