Its like the sturdy glass of sanity shattered inside my head....

Today has been one giant hodgepodge of thoughts. I really want to structure these posts a little more but this could be stream of consciousness all over again. First I'll sum up the adventures of the day and then I'll let you step inside my war zone of a head and try to make sense of it all. Ok? Great.

I woke up at 6am for my 6:30am departure to Cape May, New Jersey...my official homeland/birthplace and home to my grandmother...my only living grandparent. The ride started off with a stiff silence which I decided to penetrate by plugging in two tiny white headphones which produce the most beautiful and peaceful sound in the world to me which is just about the only remedy to get my mind right---music. The three hour ride got us at the Cape May Lewis Ferry at 9 for our 9:15am departure.

My mom and I made small talk, sort of, during this whole period of time. It wasn't much but it was something. When the boat reached Cape May we found my grandmother waiting patiently in the terminal hallway. Hugs and compliments were exchanged. My grandmother is very lucky to be in her 80s and still be incredibly independent and mobile. I mean, she needs to take breaks every now and then, and needs support like and arm or a shopping cart, but overall she is doing really well. Her mind is right, she's spunky as every...offering life advice and threatening to "pop you one." She is a bit wary about my decision to try to volunteer in Philadelphia. This being because she grew up in Philly and she knows what a not so great place it is. We'll see what happens there.

We went to the Coast Guard base to look at the ships and hit up the Exchange. It was here where I scored my treasure for the day. A $10 3 liter bottle of wino wine. Yes, that shit that comes in a jug, not a bottle or a box, and is made in California and has a name like "Rose Red" which reminds me of the horror flick with the psycho girl. haha Its not a Merlot, or Riesling, or a Chardonnay. That is why I like it. I'm a Riesling girl when it comes to wine but my good friend Antonio introduced me to wino wine during our Twilight movie drink a thon (drink anytime you feel depressed, want to kill yourself, want to kill one of the actors, thought the line was wayy to cheesy). It tasted like grape juice. Like, crunked grape juice. I loved it so I bought a jug of it and happily carried it around in my backpack like some sketch prohibition coyote during the day.

It now sits in my fridge waiting to be consumed in very large quantities. Don't judge me.

Anyway after that we went to K-mart where we bought....nothing. Then we went back to my grandmother's house and my Uncle Hughie met up with us. I ate some mulberry berries for the first time in my life and they tasted like grapes. I liked them. My uncle showed us this really cool thing that google maps can do (show you street view so you're like walking down the street and looking at actual photo maps of the locations). I showed them my grad pics and then we went to get a healthy McDonalds dinner, caught the ferry and my mom drove me home.

Overall it was an exhausting but fun day. I was really glad I got to see my grandmother for the whole day. Good times.

Ok now for part II: what is on MA's mind today?

Well one of the things I noticed today was how small my grandmother's yard and house seems. Now, its not really that small, but I spent the majority of my childhood visiting my grandmother whenever possible. I hid under her dining room table and tried to climb trees in her enormous yard. Now, as an adult, her yard seems so small and I seem so...big. I seem giant like, stomping around the grass and gravel as if I'm the marshmallow man on Ghostbusters. Cape May, NJ has changed...a lot. My town, the Villas, seems so incredibly compacted with tons of houses new and old just clustered together. Business that have been around since my birth no longer exist. Its just so weird. I suppose I'm use to my acre of land in VA and endless fields and wastelands. However, it is still an interesting concept of how compacted and squeezed in everything in Cape May seems. The whole town/city whatever you want to call it, seems miniature.

Change is not a concept I am really fond of. (No offense Obama). People change throughout the course of their lifetime. It is really hard to believe how much a person can change in just a matter of a few years. Its like you are one person in college and then you are isolated from everyone that makes you, well, you. So the next thing you know you change into an entirely different person. Is the the "real" you since you are not influenced by your friends as much? Or, is this a half ass you because you don't have your college support system and instead have the real world smacking you in the face every morning at 8am. I don't know the answer but I know people change. A lot of this change makes me really sad.

I think I've got my future all figured out. I'm going to hopefully get accepted by RMC (fingers crossed) and volunteer in Philly for a year. I'll volunteer with the Drueding/Project Rainbow project if possible. After a year of volunteer service I'll apply for a job with the org. I'm working with (if they are hiring) OR I'll find a related job in Philly. I'll then apartment search during my final months as a volunteer and move there by August 2010. During this time I'll finally have a good location to start working on a project I've wanted to do. Its very ambitious, but I'm planning on writing a book about the homeless. That is all I'm going to say for fear of someone stealing my idea, finishing before me and getting all the money and credit that they don't deserve. I will say this, the profits from the book for the most part are going to go to the Drueding center and to Cafe Inspiration in Chicago. If this all pans out. After all, we all know that I never finish what I start and I'm full of bright ideas which remain ideas forever.

I'm freaking out about the job front. Nothing has come up and I've applied to almost everywhere that is hiring on the Shore. I NEED a job or I can't go to Philly if I get accepted into the program. I NEED a job.

I also need to make 4th of July plans. If you know me, you know that the 4th of July is my favorite holiday. If we're really close, then you also know why. I want to do something fun for the 4th but there is a chance I'll have a job by then and have to work, here...on the Shore. I want to go to Williamsburg. However I don't really have $$ and I prolly won't have time. We'll see. I'm convinced that Wburg fireworks are THE BEST on the 4th. There are also a lot of people I want to see this summer that are in Williamsburg.

I think after I score a paying job if that ever happens, I'm going to go to the Eastern Shore News and ask them if I can write for free. I'm hoping they will send me a story a week or a story every two weeks to cover. I'll take the crappy ones that are time consuming or that no one wants to cover. JUST PLEASE LET ME WRITE!!! I worked for them for free once, I wouldn't mind doing it again. I don't want to lose my touch.

I guess thats it. I'm just having family troubles still, am worried about the future still and am pondering what my purpose in life is while craving some journalism. The usual.

Until next time...